What Could Have Been
by Avery Elle
Summary: Story picks up after the victory tour, when an unexpected surprise changes everything.
1. Chapter 1

When we return from the Victory Tour, we never imagine it would happen so quickly. They wait for us there, springing upon us the event for all of Panem to gush over, the ultimate ending to our tour: Our Wedding.

Peeta barely steps outside the train doors when the reporters rush him. He turns back to grab my hand but it's too late. They push him towards the Justice building while pulling me towards the square where tents, a prep team and seating is already set up. Panic wells in me, and tears started running down my face as arms drag me to my prep tent. Effie, luckily, comes to my rescue.

"How disastrous and unorganized! Let go of her at once before you scare her to death! Poor dear. Can't you tell you've overwhelmed her?" Effie takes my arm and escorts me the rest of the way. When we are behind the privacy of the tent sheets, she sends my team away to retrieve my mother and sister and immediately starts to mop up my face.

"Katniss, dear, should I explain to you what's happening? You seem a touch shocked." She speaks softly as she presses a tissue to my nose. I nod.

"It seems you've been gifted a surprise wedding by the capitol," she says with a tight lipped smile. She seems less than pleased with the situation. "President Snow didn't want you two to wait I suppose," but she says this with her usual Effie flare, returning to normal.

I nod, realizing what I'm in for, realizing that even though our act didn't stop the riots he was going to punish me anyway.

An hour later, i am weighed down with beads and lace yet i feel naked. The dress is incredibly low cut in front and despite Prim's efforts to calm me down, it takes my mother staring me down, nose to nose, to get me focused.

"You can do this," she whispers to me. "You both can."

She walks into the seating area, leaving me standing at the foot of the entrance way as the music starts. I'm motioned to walk on the silk covered aisle to where Peeta is standing, and when I look up I feel my breath catch in my lungs. He looks handsome, wearing a sophisticated white suit, but its his expression that gives me pause. Its stone cold. His glimpse up at me shows a flicker of shame before returning to the icy expression, and I have to check myself to resist reaching out to him. This isn't his fault. He needs to know that.

The ceremony takes 15 minutes. Fifteen minutes is all it takes to swear my heart away to Peeta, with an extra 5 minutes for legal documents. Our kiss, though full of fluff and decor for our watchers, feels vacant and meaningless, but not as vacant as the ceremonies that follow throughout the night. I see my mother and Prim once. I see Peeta's family from afar. The rest of the evening , for us at least, is lead by the press. Peeta and I don't get a moment alone, but throughout the evening, I rarely let go of his hand. I feel I might disappear if I do. Once, he leaned in to kiss my cheek and whispered that it was almost over. I gave his hand an extra squeeze in response.

I have no idea if Hazelle and Gale are even here, though it looks like most of the district is forced into attendance. I'm at least grateful for the food.

It is 9 p.m. And the festivities are still in full swing when Peeta and I are escorted to the Justice building to say our public goodbyes before retreating through the heavy double doors.

There, Snow awaits us on an intercom.

The pleasantries are over. That much is certain as the Peacekeepers' hold on me grows firmer. Peeta's fury is finally present in his face as we stare down Snow who smiles back pleasantly at us.

"Tonight is your wedding night. I hope you find your accommodations to your taste." He says with a wink.

"You're so thoughtful," Peeta growls.

"I expect to make a pregnancy announcement in the next 4 months so you two had best use your time wisely."

"Four...you can't be serious." Peeta exclaims. I say nothing as I drop to my knees. It is the fear I've had in my heart all day.

"Quite serious."

"That's not realistic," Peeta chokes out. "You can't possibly expect..." I scream as the end of the Peacekeepers gun connects with Peeta's jaw. Peeta crumples to the floor and I move to go to his side, but I'm pushed onto my back and held down by four peacekeepers. I can't move at all, despite my kicking, and I feel a heavy weight settle on me. I start screaming as I recognize a peacekeeper is pushing up my dress to my waist. Two hands pry my thighs apart and hold me open while the person on top of me pushes two fingers pas my underwear and between my folds. I scream and thrash, trying to get away, but their hold on me is firm as his fingers thrust into me roughly and searing pain soaring through my gut.

Peeta explodes beside me as two gairds try to restrain him. He finally turns on the projector.

"Fine! Whatever you want! Just stop them!"

Snow holds up a hand and I feel the finger within me retract as the hands do. The same hand that was in me 10 seconds previously pulls me into a seated position, and then flashes the offending hand in Peeta's face. Its then I notice the blood, my blood, on my dress, and on the Peacekeeper's hand. Peeta stares back at him coldly, but I clutch my stomach as my dinner threatens to reappear.

"I was hoping it wouldn't come to that. Regardless, I hope you realize now that if you can't accomplish this within the 4 month time line, I'll be forced to introduce Katniss to other company who perhaps could. I don't suggest you tempt me."

The projector flickers off, and I feel arms grab me and holst me up, pulling me towards our room. When they deposit us inside, they close the doors and I hear the bolt turn, locking us inside.

Its only now that I have the sense to cry. My body trembles as the sobs escape me, shattering parts of myself I had held onto for so long. Pain rips through my abdomin and I feel a sticky dampness running down my thighs. I pull at the seams of my dress, ripping the fabric from my body with inexplicable rage. I can't get the fabric off of me fast enough yet I become further tangled in the layers the more I twist and pull.

Arms wrap around my back, his hands stilling mine as he craddles my broken form against him, and its this comfort that allows me to cry harder than I have in years. Not since my father died have I felt this helpless, this broken.

"Can you stand?" He whispers to me. I try but immediately cry out. The pain is awful, but my sobs and shaking body don't help.

"I'm going to help you take this off, okay? Just so I can lift you easier," he says softly, his fingers running along my chin. His voice is steady and this calms me until I notice the dampness on his cheek. His eyes betray him, showing the anguish he feels from watching me be touched by cruel hands and not being able to stop them. I start to appreciate just how easily the Capitol can punish us.

Slowly his hands work at the buttons down my back, loosening the cords below it that hold the several layers of skirts. He picks my body up out of the pile of fabric, leaving just the corset and bloodied slip in place, and kicks the remnants of my dress against the door.

He carries me into the bathroom, and sets me down beside the large bathtub, running the water and pouring an ample amount of soap under the faucet.

His hands remove my heels and throws them into the hallway before standing up and moving behind me. He starts removing the countless pins in my hair, freeing ringlet by ringlet, until my hair falls down my back. Its then his hands pause at the strings of my corset.

"This too?" He says softly, tugging gently at the top boning.

"I can't get out of it without help," I whisper.

His fingers go to work, loosening tie after tie until finally i can breathe easily. My cheeks flush as Peeta kneels in front of me and maneuvers his hands under my slip to the top of the lace netting and gently pulls it down off my thighs. He takes a robe down from behind the bathroom door and helps me into it, and I finally let the corset fall away from my body. No one besides my mother has ever seen this much of me before, and even though he looks away the majority of the time, I feel the most vulnerable I have ever felt.

I finish tying the knot to my robe and step out of my slip and underwear but before I can thank him he gathers me into his arms, pressing his lips to my neck and begins to apologize.

"This is my fault," he whispers, and I can feel the wetness on my shoulder from his tears. "I should have kept my mouth shut, maybe he wouldn't have..."

"Shh," I whisper back to him. "I'm okay. Look at me?" I take his chin and pull it down so his eyes meet mine. "I'm okay."

"You aren't okay," Peeta growls at me, indicating the bloodied slip on the floor that he picks up and throws into the hall. I wince at his tone, pulling my robe tighter around me. His eyes softens as he reaches to lift my gaze to his and I press my hand against his cheek.

"Thank you for today. For not letting go."

He nods and presses a kiss to my forehead.

"Try to relax all right? Call me if you need something." He exited the bathroom before I can say a word.

The bath does little to soothe my nerves. Still, I find myself unwilling to leave it. Washing away all the paint and spray makes it feel like today could have been a bad dream. But I know better. There is a rawness where the Peacekeeper touched me and it makes me nausous.

I think, for a second, how easy it would be to slip under the froth of bubbles and drown myself, but I know it is too selfish a move, even for me. The consequences of that action would most definitely end my family, and Peeta's. No, I will not save myself just to have everyone else suffer in my wake.

I dry off and slip back into the cotton robe, relieved to find that I'm no linger bleeding and the discomfort is greatly reduced.

Back in the room, Peeta sits on the couch, pressing a cold compress to his chin. He looks up at me and smiles weakly.

"Feel any better?" He asks softly.

"A bit, yeah," I sit beside him and take the compress, readjusting it on his chin. The gash on his chin is pretty deep, but the bleeding has stopped already.

He lets out a long sigh and closes his eyes, leaning his head back against the couch. My fingers work into his hair and rub his temples.

"That feels nice," he breathes out quietly.

"Well, its my job to take care of you," I say matter of factly. "What kind of wife would I be if I didn't, especially after you tried to defend me?"

"A horrible one," he quips. "Quite awful." One of his eyes creeps open and he smiles brightly when he sees my quirked lips.

"First genuine smile I've seen on your face all day."

"I don't share them with the Capitol," I say, smirking wider.

Peeta's expression turned serious as he shifted on the couch.

"You held up really well today. I was really proud of you." He said softly.

"Having you next to me helped," I respond, pulling away the ice from his chin. I curl into his side, tucking my legs up beneath me, and we sit silently for a while before he lets out a heavy sigh.

"Are you okay...down there?"

I furrow my forehead and grimace at him. "I'm going to hate having these conversations, be warned."

"That doesn't shock me. Are you?"

"Yes" then i pause. "How are we going to do this without hating each other?" I say quietly.

"By staying honest with each other." He responds.

I think on his words, and before I realize it, I'm fighting back tears. "Well, I guess I should go first then. I never wanted kids."

He looks down at me, showing me his surprise. "Really?"

I nod. "With the games, the lack of food, the day to day uncertainty…" I shake my head. "You can't protect them from that."

"I always wanted them," He whispers.

"I know." I say with a sad smile.

"What? That obvious?"

"Yes. You'll be great with them too," I say, looking up at him. He smiles before his face turns a touch more serious.

"Well," He says, his eyes looking forward. "I told you we could be friends, but I've never stopped caring for you."

"I know." I start crying so suddenly and startle Peeta so badly that he starts apologizing to me.

"No, stop it! It's me who should be apologizing." I stand up and walk a few steps away from him. "You deserve more than this. We both do."

I wipe the tears away from my cheeks. "But I can't give you that...at least not now." He stands up and walks over to me, touching my arm softly.

"It's okay." He whispers. "Thank you, for telling me." After a few minutes he manages to pull me into a hug, rubbing my back.

"How are we going to pull off sex?" I say miserably.

"Would a paper bag over my head help any?" he says, grinning.

"That's not the problem!" I say with a growl. I have little patience for his self deprecating humor this evening.

"Okay, just trying to make you laugh."

"I know, but...the problem isn't you."

"Nervous?" He asks.

"Maybe," I say, but I know it isn't that either. Sure I would be a little nervous but with Peeta I know how it would be. He'd be careful, sweet, gentle...

"You're blushing," he mutters softly, interrupting me from my thoughts.

I nod and feel my blush increase. "I just, they'll never leave us alone. Our child would be in the limelight forever...would probably be in the games its first year...I can't..."

"We can, and we'll do everything we can to keep him or her safe."

"We can only do so much, Peeta."

"But we'll do it. And we'll protect each other, like we always have. I'm not going to give them a reason to hurt you again, okay?"

His conviction restores an ounce of my courage and I nod.

He nods back and pulls his shirt over his head, tossing it back on the couch. Startled, my eyes trace over his flat stomach, up his chest, over his arms and over his back as he turns away from me.

He's beautiful, I realize, my mouth going a bit dry. I always knew he was fit, and I even saw him mostly naked during the first games but this was different. He was healthy, strong...

Hot, I realized. Any girl in 12 would fall on their face to get a chance to sleep with him.

Here I am, terrified and...intrigued?

"I'm going to shower," he says, before walking into our bathroom.

I hear the shower turn on and I walk over to the bed, tying my robe tighter around me. I find a brush besides the bed so I busy myself unknotting the snarls until i hear the shower turn off.

Peeta walks back into the room in his undershorts with a towel over his head, and flops down on the bed beside me.

I'm probably going to regret asking this..."

I turn, my attention focusing on him as he leans back against the headboard. "I figure if we find the good in the situation, maybe it will make, sex, easier." I bite my lip to keep the grin off my face. He's nervous too, I realize. "Is there any part of you that...likes kissing me?"

"There are a lot of parts of me that like kissing you," I mutter, without meeting his eyes. This catches him off guard.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

His hand gently tugs on mine,, encouraging me to come closer.

"Why didn't you say something?"

"Because it doesn't change anything," I say back. "I never wanted to marry, I never wanted kids, i never wanted a boyfriend. I wanted to be left alone. And..." I sigh. "You wanted all that. It Wasn't fair."

"I wanted you," he says softly. I turn my head, annoyed at his words. His face is soft, almost amused at my irritation.

"You're impossible to understand sometimes."

He pauses now, letting his fingers dust lightly over my hand. "I know I'm not what you wanted, but I still feel like the luckiest man alive to be with you, even in this way."

I feel my cheeks flush but as I look up at him, i see a sadness in his eyes that I can't bare, I may not be able to give him love, but I can give him affection, this man who cares for me and protects me. It's my turn to protect him and his heart.

I let loose his right arm that I've been clinging to And flip myself into his lap, letting my robe fall open. His mouth sputters open but he keeps his composure by looking me in the eye.

"Are you trying to torture me?"

"No. I want to have sex."

"Well, that's not a fast shift or anything," He says drily, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

"Look, Lets not think about anything else tonight," I grab his chin and make him look at me. "We need to do it, to keep each other safe right?

He blinks. "Right."

"So…" I say, cupping his chin in my hands, "Lets keep each other safe."

"and that 's what you want?" His fingers rub circles into my elbows.

I reach forward and run a finger down his abs and stop it just below his naval when I hear a very soft but just audible hitch in his voice. "That's what I want."

I lean closer, and push my forehead to his as his hands settle on my waist inside my robe, wrapping around to the small of my back where his fingers trace my spine, raising goosebumps along my skin. When his hand dipped lower to my behind, I gasped and shifted and he smirks knowingly at me.

His lips dip down to skim my ear, so I can hear the growl of his voice.

"If you really want to enjoy this, you'll need to relax a little."

I shiver as the goosebumps climb up my back, but I nod in agreement, closing my eyes.

Now or never...

I press a kiss to his lips and instantly feel alive.


	2. Chapter 2

It's the first kiss among the hundreds we shared today that I feel in my bones. It's also our first kiss without cameras that to me actually means something.

I stop and look at him and his face is already flush and hungry for me.

Before we connect again, he leans in and presses a kiss to my forehead.

"If you change your mind..." He starts.

"I won't."

A smile enters his eyes, a shyness creeping into them that I rarely see. I smile back at him and kiss him again, opening my mouth to him, wanting to drown in this feeling, this heat. He pulls me tight against his chest, his hands discovering me as they discard my robe and travel over my shoulders, hips and waist. I feel that burn start to rage through my body as his hands touch my nakedness.

When his lips leave mine, a soft gasp escapes my lips at the sensation of his lips on my collarbone. His fingers fall gently down my shoulder and arm, hovering close to my chest but hesitating there, as if waiting for permission. His eyes meet mine and I nod. I feel waves of desire churning in my stomach as he cups my breast, lovingly pulling and massaging its firmness in his palm. My breath hitches and I let out a soft moan, before I can catch myself. I instantly redden and my body pulls away from him until he finds me lips.

"It's okay," he whispers to me. "It lets me know You're enjoying it."

"Isn't it...wrong to enjoy it?" I whisper to him.

" Knowing you enjoy it might be the only thing keeping me together right now." His face is so solemn that it occurs to me how heavy his guilt must be weighing on him, despite my words. This may be what he wished for, but not like this. He wanted me to love him too.

I decide to shelf my shame, and give him the fuel he needs to protect me.

"Then...make me enjoy it Peeta," I whisper to him as I place his hand back on my breast.

He gasps as my nipples harden against his hand and I spread my legs apart in his lap to move closer to his hips. I look down between us and see the tent in his undershorts yearning for attention.

I reach down and coax off his last article of clothes, drawing a moan from his lips that deepens my blush as my fingers rake over his hips. I grip his length firmly in my hand, causing his breath to catch.

"Kat!" He hisses and I think I hurt him as I hear the groan escape him and feel him grow firmer and longer beneath my fingers.

"Oh, no Peeta I'm so sorry..." The horrified expression in my face mirrored by the embarrassed redness in his.

It's okay! Really! You're fine, that feels great..." He blushes further. "I mean, you just...caught me off guard," he mutters, breathing deeply as my fingers gently traced up and down his length. I realize now that he is just as vulnerable as I am, and somehow, that makes me less nervous. "You don't have to do that." He says quietly.

"But...you said it felt nice," I say, my fingers still delicately tracing circles around his girth.

"It does..." He says, his breathing ragged as he fights to keep his composure.

Well I want you to enjoy it too," I whisper delicately as I lay a kiss on his neck and roll my palm up and down his length.

He gasps, his hips rolling against my hand as his member grows thick and taut.

"Wait, Kat..."

I shoot him a confused look but he moans something unintelligible and bites his lip before pulling my hand away again.

"Trust me please?" He whispers, and I nod.

Peeta holds me against him as he leans forward, pressing my back into the bed. He nestles between my thighs and presses hard against my lips, his tongue exploring my mouth as my body squirms beneath him. I feel breathless as his body rubs against mine creating a tense friction. His lips break away and I can't help the carnal moan that escapes my mouth when they surround my nipple. He kisses and licks at the taut skin, sucking it into his mouth until a slick heat builds between my thighs.

I moan his name, softly at first, but as he moves onto my second breast I grow louder, and as his free hand finds its way down between us, burrowing its way into that slick heat...

"Peeta!" I cry, as his finger enters between my folds and finds the hot, tender nub that wants his attention. His lips detach from my breast and his eyes meet mine.

"Are you okay?" He whispers breathlessly. I nod but cry out again, bucking my hips, as his finger brushes past the same spot. He grins at me and my face turns crimson.

"I'll be more gentle," he whispers kissing my lips softly before returning his attention to my chest.

His stroke eases at my center, flooding me with pleasure that draws whimpers from my lips. I feel his erection against my leg but he doesn't seem to mind, content on pleasing me and it's then that I feel that building tension below my belly. My hips buck against his hand as it tortures and delights me, drawing sound from my lips that had never passed them before. He watches me slowly approach my edge and I melt against his hands, giving myself over to him as I spread my legs and throw my arms around his neck.

He pulls me closer and slowly circles his index feeling by my entrance, and I feel my breath catch as my body tenses.

"Can I?" He whispers. I nod and take a deep breath. He slides his finger along my folds, covering it with my fluids before sliding it inside me, and I gasp and tremble at the feel of him. This feels so different from the harsh invasion earlier, his touch gentle and soft, and in this moment, I realize how lucky I am to be doing this with him, someone who cares for me.

His eyes never leaving mine, as he whispers softly to me how amazing I feel. When his finger finds the ridge inside of me, I feel my self restraint shatter. He rubs the pad of his finger along the ridge, and I feel a sensation ripple through me I haven't felt before. My whimpers turn into cries as his lips fall on mine with a soft hum. I open my eyes, shaking, and meet his gaze which looks awed and excited.

"Do you like that?" He whispers.

I nod but he shakes his head. "Say it. Please?"

A breath catches in my throat as his finger moves in me and he spreads my slickness to all my parts. His thumb moves back to my nub and he inserts two fingers in me.

"Yes." I breathe out, but it turns into a high pitch moan. "It feels amazing."

"Good," he says, a look of concentration on his face as he fingers strum me into a frenzy.

He whispers sweet words to me as I approach my edge, my body vibrating and humming.

"Let go Kat. I'm right here."

His words send me toppling over the edge, waves of vibrating pleasure washing over me. I gasp for air as my body shudders and my hips buck against Peeta's hand, as his soft strokes encourage my body to continue my orgasm. His eyes never leave my face, and he holds me against him until my body stills, his lips softly brushing against mine.

"Beautiful," he says to me and kisses me, and I kiss him back, so overwhelmed by the feeling flooding through my body.

When my breathing quiets his fingers returned back down to my nub. I gasp in surprise against his lips, my legs trembling now, and its not long before I start feeling that tension build again.

"Peeta please," I whimper as I break away from his lips.

"Please what, sweetheart?" He whispers softly.

"Please!" I plead with him, my breath rasping from my tensed body. "Please...I need you." I barely know what I'm saying, but my eyes fly open and meet his which are dark with passion and desire.

"I need you too," he whispers to me. It's then I felt his hardness pressing against my folds, gently making room for his entrance.

"I'll go slow, ok?" He said softly and I nod, trembling slightly at the feel of his hardness dipping into my folds. He kisses me as he calms me, rubbing my sides and propping my head up against his arm.

"We can always stop okay?"

"Okay...Will it hurt?" I ask.

"I'm...not sure honestly...let me know if it does?"

I nod and with a chaste kiss we seal our promises to each other.

He's very thick from what I've felt so far, so I prepare myself for incredible pain, But as he slides into me, I feel a hunger sated I didn't even realize I felt. The shaky expression on his face tells me he feels it too.

We kiss softly as he slowly moves inside of me, making us both moan in pleasure at the exquisite sensations rupturing through us both. I mew out loud and let my hands fall down to his lower back, pulling my fingers down his ass as he slowly brushes up against my body. His eyes rolled back as I clench around his thickness.

"Oh wow," I breathe. "Does this feel this good for you?"

"Oh yeah," he breathed against my lips with a smile.

I'm more sensitive than the last time. As he quickens his pace, focusing the friction of his tip against the ridge inside of me, while his fingers gently played with my nub, I come again, my insides rocking so hard this time I grow light headed. As good as the first time was, the second feels incredible with him inside me. He struggles to hang on as my body spasms around him and he lets out several intense groans, but he rides out my waves, willing himself to last longer.

When I come down from my second climax, Peeta pulls out of me and lets his lips fall to mine, and I shakily return the kiss.

"You okay?" he says, running his fingers down my cheek.

I nod, but concern enters my face. "Was that too fast?"

He chuckles and smiles at me. "I don't think there is such a thing for women. It's my goal to do that to you as many times as I can."

I smile at this. "My body feels...You're so..." I stop. "I can't complete a sentence."

He grins. "I hear that's a good thing."

"Have you done this before?"

"What?!" He exclaims, laughing.

"Sorry, I don't mean that you've...I mean, if you did it's..." My face turns red, both from frustration and embarrassment. "I just mean...i should shut up..."

He chuckles as his hand settles on my shoulder. "No, I haven't. I just have two older brothers, who tell way too many vivid stories..."

I laugh at this and pull him down to kiss him, my lips lingering on his. Maybe I shouldn't have kissed him, but i felt happy, relaxed, and fulfilled, and somehow he did this to me. The kiss is sweet and sincere and I feel myself melt into his arms. When we break apart a few minutes later, Peeta's fingers skim down my cheek, and the hunger I became acquainted with stirs again, unsated.

"We can stop for tonight..."he says.

"No," I whisper to him, and my voice sounds unfamiliar to both of us. Its lusty and full of rapture for the man whose made my body sing. " I want to make you feel like this."

I didn't think he could get harder but my words have encouraged him. His face darkens with lust before his lips crash back down on mine, his kisses as desperate as my need. He climbs back on top of me and I immediately open my legs for him. I find myself excited by his guttural moans as he enters me again, my walls tightening around his shaft as he pumps in and out of me. I rake my nails down his back and bite into his shoulder, as I let him pleasure himself with my body. His eyes watch as I arch my back and spread my thighs apart, licking his lips as his hands fall on my knees and I lift my hips to meet his rhythm.

I let my head fall back in pleasure as Peeta rides me, and In that moment i know I've succeeded. As traumatic as this was supposed to be, We're both turned on and aching for the other. The sex is incredible and if Snow meant this to be a punishment, it's backfired. I spread my legs as far apart as I can manage and Peeta groans with appreciation for the extra access. He hitches my knees behind his back, and I watch with awe as he unravels.

"Oh, Katniss," he moans as his thrusts quicken. He lets out a series of raspy cries before he explodes inside me. I hold onto him tightly as he empties his seed into me, his body shaking against mine as he clutches me to him. He lets out a small whimper as his body stills, wasted from our hour long trist, before pulling out and rolling over onto his back beside me.

His breathing is heavy, so I lay my head on his chest, listening to the pounding of his heart.

His arm wraps around me as his hand runs down my back. After several moments, when we're both still and our bodies start to cool, I lean my head up to his ear.

"I'll always protect you, Peeta," I whisper. I feel his arm squeeze me closer, before he reaches down to gather some blankets over us.

"So will I."

He presses a kiss to my forehead as my chin tucks into his chest. Bodies pressed together, we sleep peacefully for the first time in months


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, I awake to the familiar smell of Peeta, but its the unfamiliar feel of the room that reminds me of the circus that took place yesterday. I try not to move so not to wake him, but the slight swirling sensation on my back lets me know he's awake too, so I turn to face him. His eyes meet mine as his fingers play with the tips of my hair fanned over our pillows and I feel myself flush. I snuggle close to him, but we have no words for several minutes, until he finally finds some.

"Are you sore?" He asks.

"Just a little," I say as I link my fingers into his. He kisses my hand before letting his slip down to my lower back, rubbing soothing circles into it. Seeing him naked in the light of day felt strange, but I can't deny he's incredible to look at.

"What now?" I ask quietly.

"Do you mean today? I have no idea. The door is still locked." He says with a smirk.

"That's useful to know," i quip. "I mean, what do we do? We're married. We need to get pregnant." _I had mind blowing sex with you._

"We take it a day at a time," he says. We fall quiet for a moment and I can tell by the look in his eyes something is troubling him.

"What is it?"

"I just wanted to thank you for last night. You didn't need to do that."

"What do you mean?"

He grimaces as he looks away from me. "It just felt, real. Like you wanted to be with me. Thank you."

I feel a blush enter my cheeks. I'm not sure exactly what to say, but I know it felt real to me too. There was nothing faked or exagerated about last night and it confuses me as much as its confusing him.

He coughs lightly and moves to the edge of the bed, the sheets billowing around his hips. "Well, I guess you'll probably be moving in with me, for appearances. Unless you'd rather…"

"I'll stay with you."

We both fall silent, though its quickly interrupted by a knock at the door and the sound of paper beneath it. Peeta slips his boxers up around his hips and retrieves the paper, balking at it a moment later.

"What is it?"

He hands the paper to me, and there's a message on it.

_One more time. Call it insurance. _

I feel myself become cold. They were watching us, and they want us to have sex one more time before they let us go. I feel humiliated and it must show on my face because Peeta's expression is furious.

"Let's get it over with," I whisper. He turns to me, a protest on his lips, but his face falls as he eyes my expression and he nods. He drops his shorts back to the floor and sits on the edge of the bed, his hand dropping between his legs as he starts to stroke himself.

"Peeta," I whisper, crawling over to him, but he doesn't respond to me. I place a hand on his shoulder but he shrugs me off, his jaw stiffened as he works himself close to the edge.

"Come here," he says. I scoot closer to him, and he pulls my legs over the side of the bed, flattening me out on my back. He grabs a bottle from the nightstand, opening the container and pouring the jelly like substance into his hand.

"It helps," he says softly, before rubbing the substance between my folds. I wince at the cold substance, but nod my understanding. I try to pull him down for a kiss, but he pulls back from me, and I can only watch him as he positions himself at my entrance. A moment later, he's inside of me. Compared to last night, this is disconnected and very short lived. It takes about 4 thrusts for it to be over.

Peeta pulls out of me and walks quickly into the bathroom, where I hear his chest heave as he empties his stomach. I follow him into the bathroom and slowly approach him, kneeling down beside him. I hold him as he dry heaves, pressing my forehead into his back.

A short while later, the door finally unlocks.

~x~

The peacekeepers escort us back to my house, and as we walk through town I notice how still it is. Occasionally I see a face skirt by the window, but everyone apparently knows to stay clear. Peeta's face is still pale after this morning, but he's holding my hand. That's a small improvement.

My mother greets us at the door and kisses Peeta on the cheek. When we turn around the Peacekeepers march off, leaving an unsettling stillness in the air. Haymitch walks up behind us and wraps an arm around my shoulders.

"Lets talk sweetheart."

Peeta and I fill my mother and Haymitch in on everything. She surprises me. She isn't hysterical or upset. Instead she is stoic, accepting of my future and knowing without me saying, that the price of me not getting pregnant was too high to pay. She also adds a stitch to Peeta's chin which is blooming a sickening purple color this morning.

Haymitch on the other hand is a ball of rage, and quieter than I've ever seen him. He and Peeta talk quietly by the window for a long time, neither giving away anything by their expression. However, the disgusted, deadened Peeta seems to dissipate after speaking with Haymitch. He shoots me a small smile from across the room, and I feel myself let out a sigh of relief.

Shortly before we leave, my mother hugs me and promises us her help, and I'm surprised by the relief it brings me. Peeta squeezes my hand, after looking to my mother.

"Go pack some things. I'll be right up to help you." I look between him and my mother. "I just need a minute."

I give him a stern look but turn and leave the room. I don't have many things, besides some clothes and a few items, so I'm packed and downstairs by the time Peeta exits the office, and my mother is smiling. I look at him suspiciously but he smiles and takes the bag from me. I tell my mom to send Prim by to see me after school, she hands me a sachel of herbs, and we're out the door, heading the 20 yards over to Peeta's front door.

~x~

I spend the afternoon moving my clothes into Peeta's closet and trying to gulp down a very stinky tea.

Our closet, I think. I need to get used to this. He and I...

My mind drifts to the night before, the way his mouth felt on me, how I arched my body towards his touch...

Sex. It's designed to feel amazing. That's all. I shake my head but the flush remains in my cheeks. I haven't had feelings for him this whole time but now I get hot and bothered because we had sex?

_Great sex._

I hear a creak outside in the hall, and turn to find Peeta watching me in the doorway.

"Hey," I say quietly. He steps inside the room and walks over to pick up one of my shirts, hanging it in the closet. I can tell something is on his mind so when he reaches to grab another shirt, I take it from him.

"I can hang my own clothes, Peeta," I say softly. "What's wrong?" He bites his lip before sighing.

"I want to apologize for this morning" He says quietly. "I wasn't trying to take it out on you, or be cruel, but it probably came off that way." Apparently we're both thinking about sex.

"I didn't think you were trying to hurt me," I say softly. "But we're supposed to get through these things together. You can't shut me out when it gets ugly."

"This morning was a few steps beyond ugly," he says quietly.

I give him the best angry, ticked off look I can muster.

"Fine, point taken. Thank you, for coming after me."

He takes my hand in his and I can feel the gold bands on our fingers clink together as he squeezes it. He flips my hand over. "You're not going to keep wearing that huge rock are you?"

"Its stuck," I say with a smirk, eyeing the massive engagement ring on my finger. There wasn't any time to have it sized correctly, but Effie made me jam it on my finger for the publicity shots.

"I know a trick that can get it off," he says, chuckling.

"My hero," I say as I shove him playfully.

"Right. So," He says grabbing the hanger from my hand. "What's going through that head of yours?"

"What do you mean?"

"When I walked in here, you were ruminating."

"I was not."

"Were too." he says, taunting me gently. I grimace as I look away from him.

"I'm scared, nervous, confused..."

"About what?"

"Everything Peeta. Pretty much everything."

He blinks at me. "Okay, one thing at a time. Go."

"I'm afraid of hurting you." I blurt out. He rolls his eyes and I throw a hanger at him.

"How would you hurt me?" He levels.

"What if...what if we have this life, get pregnant, have a family, but I never love you like you deserve?" I say softly.

"We can worry about that after we survive the next few weeks." He says drily. I scoff at him, and he chuckles. "Its true. We have bigger problems right now. Just be honest with me, and you won't hurt me. I promise. Next problem."

Why is this always so easy for him?

"Fine. This tea I'm drinking is lousy." I grumble.

"Dilute it and add some brown sugar instead of honey." I grimace at him and he smiles easily. "What? Come on, next."

My mind blurts out my next concern without any filter. "Will we stop having sex after I get pregnant?"

"If that's what you want."

"You don't care either way?"

He scrunches up his face at me and I smile at finally stumping him. "There's no right answer to that question."

"But what do you want?"

"I want you to be comfortable, Kat. Next."

"That's not a real answer."

"Its as real as your going to get. Next."

I look up at him. "What were you talking to my mother about?"

Peeta brushes past me as he closes the closet. "I'll tell you when I'm ready."

"That's two questions in a row you've dodged. So much for solving my problems," I say, but I'm laughing, and Peeta looks satisfied.

"How do you do that? Cheer me up without me even realizing it?" I ask earnestly.

"Its a gift," He says softly, giving my hand a squeeze.

Peeta leaves me to go start dinner when a knock at the door draws me to the window, and I freeze. Gale. I run down the steps, past Peeta and fling open the front door.

"So you are he..." I grab Gale by the collar and forcefully pull him into the house, slamming the door shut behind him. I throw my arms around his neck and hug him tightly, and he slowly warms up to me, letting his arms relax around me. Peeta pulls us both outside through the back door, down by the stream that runs behind our houses into the forest.

"Here, the noise," Peeta whispers.

"What is going on?!" Gale exclaims and I flinch before quietly explaining the last 24 hours to him, while Peeta stands a respectable distance away, keeping an eye out for peacekeepers.

When I finally fall silent, Gale furiously chews at his lip, barely able to look at me.

"So that's it. You're giving them what they want? You get knocked up and the world forgets about you standing up to the capitol?

"You think I wanted this? People are dying because of me. What would you have me do?" I whisper back fiercely.

"Run!" He says, exasperated. "Go live in the woods. Hide. Disappear. We've talked about doing it forever. Lets just go!"

"With who? My family, your family, Peeta's family, Haymitch? You really think they wouldn't find us? And anyone we leave behind is dead. Who would you leave Gale?"

"We can still figure this…"

"No we can't!" I yell, the tears finally starting to fall.

"Damn it, Katniss" He whispers fiercely, hands on my shoulders. "Don't you care for me?"

"I care about you enough to not want you dead," I say. "You're my best friend. But that's all." Gale backs away then his eyes bearing into mine, suddenly understanding where I stand. I try to hide the tremor in my limbs by crossing them over my body.

"You slept with him already didn't you." He states, instead of asking me. My lack of answer is enough for Gale. He straightens up and says the next statement loud enough for anyone walking by to hear:

"You know, on second thought, I really can't stand anything Capitol made. He can have you."

I slap him across the face, and my ring cuts across his cheek. I feel Peeta bristle despite the distance between us, and I turn in time to grab his arm, holding him steady from ramming into Gale. They stare at each other for a long minute before Gale brushes his cheek inspecting the blood.

"Damn capitol jewelry," He sneers.

I hear a slow light crunch of footsteps retreat behind me, walking around the side of Peeta's house until the steps disappear onto the dirt road. The tears start to fall from my chin at the same time the snow starts. Gale is gone. I've officially lost him.


	4. Chapter 4

I hear Peeta's soft voice beside me, but I can't discern his words. When he tries to pull me inside I push him away, allowing myself to curl into my knees. He tries several more times, before finally wrapping his jacket over my shoulders. He rubs some warmth into me, calling my name out, but I don't answer. After several more attempts to reach me, I hear his loud footsteps retreat back to the house. I debate pushing his jacket off my shoulders but the smell of him is oddly comforting.

I sit until the sky grows dark, until the streaks of tears on my cheeks are frozen, yet I still can't comprehend my best friend's action. Instead of protecting me, he abandoned me.

_Maybe I really am being stupid?_

I hear crunching in the snow, but from the light thread I can tell it isn't Peeta. I'm surprised to realize its Prim who curls into my side.

"You're cold, Katniss."

"I know, little duck."

"Peeta said you and Gale had a disagreement." She says, with a look of disbelief. "I saw him stalk away. It looked more heated than that."

"I think I hurt him, Prim," I say quietly. "But I didn't mean to."

"He can't be mad at you for marrying Peeta. It's your choice."She lowers her voice now to a soft whisper, "Even if it wasn't your choice, Peeta loves you. He would never hurt you. And," she adds haughtily, "I think you like him too."

I give my little sister a sideways glance. "I see you've given this some thought."

"I think Peeta's pretty hot, Katniss. You'd be crazy to not think the same." She says, with a twinkle in her eye.

"Eww, Prim. I don't want to hear that come out of your mouth ever again," I say, shoving her playfully, "not until you're 30."

"I kissed Rory you know," she says with a sly wink.

"Prim!" I gasp at her.

"Oh, don't be mad at me. I've always had a crush on him. Being called up as a tribute makes you appreciate the moment a bit more." She hugs my arm.

I sigh, shaking my head. "You're growing up too fast," I mutter, hugging her tightly.

She looks behind us and starts giggling.

"I need to go home and start on homework, but you should go in before Peeta paces a circle into the floor." We both look back and I feel a pang at the worried expression on his face as he, in fact, does pace the kitchen.

"All right, home with you. Love you, Prim."

"You too."

Peeta watches Prim get up to leave and his eyes fall back onto me. I get up slowly and head back into the house, pulling his jacket further around my shoulders. As I step in the back door I pull off my slippers and wet socks and realize I can barely feel my toes. Peeta is already prepared with a warm towel and sits me at the table while he wraps my feet and rubs feeling back into them.

"You have to know I nearly punched him, right?"

"I know."

He stares at my expression, looking for doubt but finds none. He nods and stays silent for a while, rubbing my feet while I stare off at the far wall. When I can wiggle my toes freely again, I pull my knees to my chest, withdrawing from him into myself. He presses his lips into a thin line but doesn't mention it.

"Dinner will be ready in about 20 minutes...Why don't you warm up with a shower?"

"I'm not really hungry, but I will take that shower." I mumble softly. A glance at his worried expression makes my chest feel tight again.

"I'm okay. I promise."

"Okay. Oh, wait." He says softly. I look at him curiously as circles behind the island and smears something into his hand. He walks back to me and takes my hand, massaging the finger with the tight ring. He slides it off my finger a moment later with ease.

"Butter." He says with a smile, handing me back the ring.

He squeezes my hand and turns back to the stove, allowing me creep out of the kitchen to our upstairs bathroom.

I tuck the ring back into its box and store it in my dresser. I pad into the bathroom and peel away my layers, letting myself enjoy the heated floor beneath my feet and coldness of the counter against my bare skin. There is a dull ache in my thighs and groin and I blush, thinking about Peeta. We hadn't used any precautions, not that we could have even if we wanted to, and I realize that I could already be pregnant. I try to push the thought out of my head as I get in the shower.

The hot water beats against my numb skin, and I feel the pain from Gale's words hit me full force. I cry as quietly as I can, but it feels as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest. My feelings for Gale have never been romantic, but he's been my support system for so long that the emptiness his departure leaves makes it difficult to breathe.

I finally turn off the water, pull myself off the floor and dry off. With the towel wrapped around me, I exit the bathroom, dress in a loose shirt and cotton shorts and burrow into the bedsheets. The sheets smell clean and crisp and before long I doze off.

Its a nightmare that later shakes me from the warmth of the bed. I wake up panting, but quickly situate myself and realize I'm alone. A glance at the clock tells me at this hour I shouldn't be so I slip out of the bed and slowly make my way downstairs. A light glowing from below the study door directs me and I knock lightly. Peeta's voice sounds and I enter to see him sitting on a stool in front of a canvas, his paints neatly lined up to his side. The room is a bit disheveled but cozy, just like the rest of his house, and an inviting fire is lit in the fireplace.

"Hi," I whisper. Peeta's eyes skim over my face and he frowns.

"Nightmare? I checked on you a few hours ago."

I nod and sit down on the plush chair across from where he sits. I realize that he's shirtless, but given his proximity to the fireplace it makes sense. When he sees I'm studying his choice in clothing giving the sub arctic temperature outside, he smiles.

"Ovens. I grew up next to ovens. Sometimes its great in the winter. In the summer you feel like you'll bake to death. But, regardless the time of year I always liked the heat on my skin. It's comforting."

"That makes sense," I say softly. "Though why sleep with a window open then?"

"Fresh air. Fresh air while standing next to a blazing fire. Feels like home." He said with a smirk.

"I guess I can't judge since I like to live in trees." I say quietly. "Why are you still up? Can't sleep either?"

"I was sleeping earlier in the guest room," he says, yawning. I startle at this.

"Why would you do that?"

"You had a rough day. When you turned down dinner, I figured you just needed your space." He puts the brush down and stretches his limbs.

"Well, I did." I admit. "But you don't need to sleep alone. You need the rest as much as I do."

"Agreed." He stands up off the stool and dampens the fire behind him. The room darkens and when he comes back to my side, i can feel the heat radiating from his skin. It sends a shiver of desire down my spine that confuses me, so I turn to leave the room. In the doorway, his hands catch my waist and turn me to face him, my chest pressed up against his. I gulp at the close proximity, feeling that desire creep back into my bones before Peeta leans in to talk in my ear.

"You didn't need to tell Gale," he whispers. "I would have understood if you wanted to wait."

"He would figure it out eventually," I say softly, but I know too it's something we could have hid for several months. "I just didn't want him thinking there was still a chance for...well, for me to..."

"If that's what you want, if that would make you happy, we'd figure out a way," Peeta volunteered in as soft a whisper as he could manage. It catches me by surprise. "Gale would change his mind. He loves you, so..."

"Why? Why would you do that?" I ask.

Peeta grows silent and after a long pause decides on his answer. "I don't want you to hate me because..."

"I couldn't hate you." My grip on his shoulder tightens. "And I wouldn't ask that of you. It's too unfair, to everyone."

He nods and rests his forehead against mine. Our eyes drift to the window down the hall that offers a spectacular view of the snowfall. I press a soft kiss to the stitched bruise on his chin and think about everything he would give up to make me happy while we watch the snow fall. We hold each other for several minutes before retreating to bed, hand in hand.

I wake up the next morning snuggled and warm. I can hear Peeta's heavy breathing behind me, and instantly feel my face smile into my pillow. A peaceful night of sleep is worth smiling about. He's pressed against my back, one arm resting under my head and the other draped over my waist, the hand of that arm curling under my t-shirt where it had ridden up during sleep. His hand was an inch from my breast and though it made me blush, I realized I didn't mind otherwise.

Feeling his warmth surround me, I felt myself drop off again into sleep.

I wake up a few hours later to a much darker, quieter room. When I look behind me I see Peeta is awake, his eyes transfixed on the window to the side of our bed.

"The storm's really bad outside," he says softly.

"What time is it?"

"Late." He says with a yawn. "I didn't want to wake you though." I smile at his sleepy expression.

"If we slept so long why does the bed feel so good then," I say airly, snuggling back into the sheets.

Because this is a day that's only good for two things: Toasty beds and cheese buns." My eyes light up and he grins at me. "Yeah I thought that would get your attention."

We pull on some more layers and race downstairs where the floors and house are frigid. I jump onto the couch and bury my feet into the blanket i'm carrying and Peeta turns the heat up before starting on cheese buns.

When the room warms up I join him in the kitchen, enveloping him from behind in my blanket.

"Almost done?" I ask, poking my head around to watch his hands maneuver the dough.

"Mmhmm." He throws the pan in the oven before turning back to me and capturing me in his embrace. He grabs me behind my knees and hoists me up onto the counter besides the stove. I laugh and wrap my blanket over his shoulders.

"There. Much better." I say.

"So what do you think of my plan?"

"After the last few days, weeks even, it sounds perfect. Just relax and pretend the world doesn't exist for a while." I rest my chin on his shoulder as he holds me, and I feel a strange stirring in me from being so close to him. I push it aside, but his fingers start playing with my hair and skim down my back. It sends goosebumps across my body, something I doubt he fails to notice.

When the cheese buns are done he grabs the pans, plates and forks and nods his head toward the stairs. "Come on."

We head upstairs and immediately fall back into bed with our cheese buns in tow. Peeta grabs one of his sketch books and drawing pencils and settles beside me. When I'm full, I curl into his side to watch him.

"You're really good," I whisper, watching him draw our bedroom window caked in snow.

"Thanks."

"Would you draw some plants for me sometime?" I ask.

"Of course. What kind?"

"Medicinal mainly. My dad started the book ages ago with my mother. Its probably about time I add what I've learned to it."

Peeta smiles sweetly at me and nestles against the pillows. "Sounds fun."

We sit silently for an hour, as the wheels in my head turn. I have been chewing on a question for about a day and was ready for an answer.

"What if...we want to keep having sex after I'm pregnant?"

"Then we do," he says simply, not even looking up from his sketchpad.

"It wouldn't complicate things?"

"You really think our situation can get more complicated?" He asks gently.

"Well, I wouldn't...wouldn't you feel like I was using you?"

He again doesn't look up. "You're using me right now to get pregnant."

The expression on my face must be horrifying because he captures my chin in his hand and turns it to look at me. "That was a joke."

"Not funny." I growl.

"Let's be clear though," he says running his thumb across my chin. "When you're pregnant, I'm at your beckon call."

"How different is that from now?" I say with a small grin.

"What are you implying, Mrs. Mellark?" He asks, a glint in his eye. I frown at him. "That makes me sound so old."

"I disagree." He says, a soft rumble to his voice that makes my body quake.

"So it wouldn't be strange?" Peeta shakes his head, but a grin plays across his face a moment later.

"Why are you so preoccupied with sex anyway?"

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I...just want to be clear about the terms."

"Which are?"

"Its just sex. We care about each other but thats all. After I get pregnant, if we still decide we want to, its for comfort."

"What about pleasure?" He says in a low tone, his mouth an inch from my ear.

"We'll see," I mutter. I get up out of bed, the heat between us suddenly unbearable for me. "I'll go wash the dishes," I mumble, looking for any excuse to put some space between us at this point.

After that day, I find it increasingly distracting to spend any extended time around Peeta.

We fall into a comfortable routine with each other. I hunt most mornings and he will either head down to the bakery to visit his family and help out, or he'll paint, or work on projects around the house, one being my laundry. When I come home at night we eat dinner, start in on my family's herb book, or read.

I try to keep a good distance between us to keep my libido in check but it does little good When he trampses around the house shirtless.

A week after our discussion, I'm strung tighter that a wind up clock.

Unfortunately, Peeta has started going to bed early. The first night I try to bring up sex to him, he's asleep before I get out of the shower. The next night I try before showers.

"Peeta?" I say softly.

"Yeah?"

"I just thought, that maybe we should..."

Our phone rings. It's his brother, asking him to come in early again.

When he tells me, I can't hide my irritation. "Why? That's the third time this week."

He shoots me a confused look. "Do you have a problem with me going?"

"No," I say, deflating. "I just miss spending time with you."

"Really?"

I'm a little hurt by the surprise in his tone, but I nod. He leans down and places a kiss at the base of my neck. It sends goosebumps down to my toes.

"We'll spend some time together tomorrow okay?"

But we don't. The bakery is slammed this week and he works late and goes to bed early for 3 days in a row.

By the fourth day, I come home in a horrible mood, and every breath he takes annoys me.

It's completely irrational. He's done nothing wrong besides be busy. Still, an hour later I pick a fight with him about something ridiculous.

"Stop!" I smack my hands down on our kitchen table. Peeta freezes, and the offending clinking of his spoon against the inside of his tea cup stops as well.

"What?" He asks, confused.

"Do you have to stir your tea so loudly?" I hiss.

His face screws up in indignation. "Do you realize how loud you are when you stir? I'm amazed you haven't broken a cup yet."

"I add things to my tea. I have a reason to stir it. You like yours black."

"So...I'm not allowed to stir my tea?"

"Just not so loudly!"

"Okay, I'm sorry." He says, still confused. It doesn't stop there though.

When he takes a shower that evening, I'm knocking at the door to tell him to hurry up, and I nag him about leaving his socks out.

"Are you trying to start a fight?" He asks semi seriously, semi laughing. "Because the last person in the world who should lecture me about laundry is you."

"I would just like to not die in my own house from a rogue sock that makes me break my face on the floor!"

"You're really over reacting," he says, hardening his face as he transitions from amused to annoyed.

"I'm not over reacting! I'm pissed!"

"Over a sock."

"Over everything!"

"Well, you could talk about it instead of doing whatever the hell this is..." He says, motioning to me.

"When should I do that, between bites at dinner or in the 30 seconds it takes for you to fall asleep?"

"If you wanted to talk you could have said so." He says, his expression changing to concern.

"Forget it, I'll go sleep in the other room."

"That doesn't solve anything," He says loudly to me as I try to side step him to get out the door. He blocks me. His chest bumps against mine and I can feel my nipples harden from the simple feel of him. I feel like I'm about to burst when his hands fall on shoulders, bare except for the thin straps of my sleep shift.

"Let me get by!"

"Not until you talk to me."

I can't take it anymore. He's standing in front of the door with nothing on but his cotton pants that fall way too low on his hips...so agonizingly low...

I throw my arms around his neck, smashing my lips into his. He stumbles back into the door and I follow him, my lips not leaving his. My hands pull at his waistband before I finally pull away and see his bewildered expression.

"Please fuck me," I whisper to him as I drop his pants to the floor.

A second later he joins me in tearing off my clothes. His mouth is hungry for mine and he's more forceful and demanding, ripping my underwear away from my body. He presses me up against our dresser and hitches my naked legs around his hips. I'm in just my bra as he enters me and I moan with satisfaction.

Finally.

He pumps in and out of me as I tremble against him. I've missed this, feeling him inside of me, and I feel my body ripple with pleasure. He groans as I suck on his neck, his hips speeding up against mine.

After a few minutes I come and he groans at the feel of me compressing around him. He pulls out of me and I object loudly, mid orgasm, when he pushes me down on my hands and knees. He bends over me, one hand cupping my breast, and I barely open my mouth to ask what this is when he pushes into me from behind. The sensation is completely different, the friction, the pleasure points and where his hands are. He begins thrusting and within seconds I'm close again. He plows into me, moving fast against my rear in and out his hands pulling my hips hard against him. I hear his breath start to catch in his throat. He forcibly moves me over his length, never losing speed until he starts to unravel.

I can't help the moaning and whimpers that escape me and soon let out a loud cry as we come together, my orgasm making my legs so weak that I collapse onto the floor. He follows me, grinding my hips into the floor as he comes inside of me, both of our bodies ringing with pleasure.

He pins me to the floor, his chest pressing into my back, and we gasp for air as our bodies continue to shudder. He recovers first pulling himself up and rolling me onto my back. He settles back on top of me, a bewildered expression still plastered across his face.

"Hi," he says softly with a smile.

I grin back at him, unable to stop the blush in my cheeks.

"So, you turn into a monster when you're horny?" He says, pressing kisses to my chin.

"I'm so sorry." I say, covering my face as the embarrassment settles in.

"Whatever. It was totally worth hearing you say 'fuck me'." He growls and I close my eyes, as I chuckle. "It was incredibly sexy."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah..." He growls as his lips fall to my nipple and I feel a heat stirring in me again. I bite my lip but arch my back as his lips brush against my second breast. "In fact. .." He shoots me a mischievous grin and I don't bother resisting him. I already want him again.

This time we're slower, and we make our way over to the bed. I block out all the judgement I want to impose on myself, about why I want him this badly, what it means and if its fair. This is not just comfort, or pleasure, I realize as he slowly pushes into me and gasps my name. I enjoy my name on his lips. I crave his kisses against my body, and I grow excited at how much he wants me.

So I don't think about it. Instead we have sex, amazing sex, for hours that evening and again in the morning after he calls the bakery to say he won't be there. It's his tenderness in the morning, his soft whispers telling me how beautiful I am and how happy I make him, that sends a pang of uneasiness through me. But it isn't his words that scare me. I soak up his words and kiss him in response, feeling myself revived by them. That's what scares me.


	5. Chapter 5

-**to my poor readers: sometimes I post chapters on my iphone. This is the third time i repost this tonight because apparently, all my spell checks failed. My apologies on the previous terrible mistakes. So sorry for the delay in chapter 5. ;) Enjoy!**

He leaves for the bakery that morning and by the time he arrives home, I feel like a different person. I'm terrified of these feelings I have for him. I want to talk to him about it, so I wait for him, pacing near the door when the end of his day arrives. Of course, after last night, he's home on time today.

"Hey you," he beams at me as he walks in the door. He pulls off his snow covered jacket, and a moment later his arms are around me. His hands are icy and his lips are chapped but when he leans down to kiss me, he tastes like sugar. His hands slip into the back of my pants, and I moan into his mouth, until I remember why I was waiting for him in the first place.

"Hey," I break away from the kiss. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Can we talk about it naked? I've been thinking about you all day..."he whispers to me.

I'm half annoyed and half amused by his eagerness for me. I weigh the option to have sex first, until my fear washes over me again.

"Please?" I whisper to him, as I still his hands. He pulls me over to the couch and sits down beside me, a nervousness cascading over his features as he waits on me to start.

"I've been feeling really unsure about...this morning..."

The hurt in his face is evident, but he quickly pushes it away. "Okay. About what in particular?"

I close my eyes. "About what you said, how happy I make you?" He bites his bottom lip and nods.

"Remember how I said I was afraid of hurting you?" I ask weakly. "I just, don't know if I feel the same way you do, and it scares me to death."

"I was telling you how I feel," he says quietly. "I don't expect anything from you."

"Maybe you should," I say quietly.

"So I can make you feel guilty?" He says, grimacing at me. "You told me you missed me."

"I did."

"Or you were missing sex," he says, looking away.

"No..." I start but he interrupts.

"Those two statements don't make sense Katniss," he says with a sigh as he stands up. "You miss me, but you don't care?"

"I didn't say that," i say loudly back at him.

"But when I tell you how I feel you shrink away and get nervous about hurting me?"

I grow quiet as I realize what I'm saying doesn't make sense. "I don't know," I whisper. "I can't figure this out right now." I grab his arm and turn him towards me. "I do care about you." I reach up and press my lips to his, but he keeps the kiss brief, pulling away and quietly walking into the study.

We politely avoid each other for 3 days. He's out of bed before me in the morning, and usually in the study or at the bakery before I get up. Our words to each other are brief over dinner, and though he sleeps in our bed at night he leaves a two foot space between us, kissing me briefly on the cheek before rolling over to his side.

My heart aches from his coldness.

I finally knock on his study door one night after dinner, and the door swings open.

"Hi," I say.

"You need something?" He asks tersely, staying in the doorway so I can't enter.

"We haven't worked on my plant book in a while. I wanted to know if you would..."

"Not tonight..." He says softly, not looking up at me.

"Oh. Do you want to do something else?" I ask quietly.

"I just want to be alone, if that's all right."

"But, its our..."

"Don't say it," he growls. "Just don't."

He closes the door then, and I take a step back. We've been "married" a month today and despite the circumstances, I wanted to spend time with him. I wanted to show him I appreciate him.

Instead, I curl up on the couch and cry. I try so hard to hold back my tears but I can do nothing but mop up my face, as I start sobbing. I don't know when, but I fall asleep with my face buried to dampen my cries.

I wake up screaming, unable to disengage from the tendrils of sleep, and start gasping for air as I hear the study door open.

Peeta is by my side in seconds, despite his anger, and soon I'm curled into his arms, sobbing as I grip the front of his shirt.

"I lost you! I couldn't find you..." I sob.

"I'm right here" he coos softly. "I'm not going anywhere.

"Please don't disappear," I cry.

"I won't disappear. I promise."

I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck, kissing his lips. He returns the kiss, not questioning my need in this moment.

His arms cradle me against him as he carries me upstairs to our room. He holds me the entire night, soothing my whimpers with his words.

In the morning, i see that the snow has stopped, but one look at the sky shows that the storm is far from over. I sneak out of bed without disturbing Peeta, pull on some clothes and grab my game bag.

I walk out the front steps and see that an easy foot of snow fell last night.

The square is clean. People must have been up late keeping it clean. A metal frame stands in the middle of the square and a chill runs down my spine. I don't want to know what that's for.

I'm about to step into the woods when I realize with a start that it's Sunday. Gale is the last person I want to see today. I divert from my usual path and take a completely different path away from our usual meeting place. Today would be about me, not Gale.

I gather pine needles and manage to catch a couple of fat squirrels. The rest of the time, I sit. Last night scared me more than any other feeling I had this week. All the uncertainty lifted when I thought I might lose him, in both my conscious and subconscious.

My mind goes back to the nights we had amazing sex as its done several times this past week and each time it leaves me hot and frustrated.

Now it just reaffirms what I suspected, and feared this whole time. As of this morning, I know its not just a physical draw. To find him there when I awoke, filled a void in my heart I didn't realize existed.

"I might love him," I say out loud to the birds.

But I can risk his feelings for 'might.' I need to be sure.

I stand up, gathering my things, realizing what I need to do.

As I make my way back to town, I see an unsettling crowd gathering in the square. Panic sets in and I feel myself start to run. When the whip sounds, I run faster.

~x~

It's been a week since Gale's whipping. Peeta and I have been here every day helping my mother and Prim care for Gale.

The first few days, I thought I might lose him. I refused to sleep for two days until Gale stabilized leaving him only to empty my stomach in the bathroom. The smell of death was too much.

Gale woke up half delirious one night and apologized for what he had said to me, tears streaming down his face. I forgave him immediately as Prim gave him another injection of morphling, and as soon as he went back to sleep, I cried into Peeta's arms as he held me close.

He finally convinced me to start sleeping in my own room, but I wouldn't go without him, knowing the nightmares would come if I slept alone.

Two days ago, Gale finally started waking with some regularity, and ever since our tearful apology, our talks have been pleasant and resembling the old Gale I missed so badly. Right now he lies on his stomach and I'm playing a game with him, called "tell me the truth Katniss." He's much better at this game than I am.

"You love him Catnip," he says with a small grin.

"Oh, shut up and eat your bread," I grumble.

"I will, but I want the truth out of you first. I i know what I saw, and there's no denying it." He says with a wink.

"I don't need to explain myself to anyone, least of all you." I say but smile at the end.

Gale refers to him waking up briefly one night when Peeta was checking on me. Peeta had found me crying on the couch one of those first nights and had pulled me into his arms. He pressed a kiss to my forehead and rocked me gently as the tears ran down my face. It took about ten minutes for me to settle enough to look up at him, and when I did, his eyes fixed onto mine. I leaned forward and kissed him, not one of my needy desperate kisses, but a wholesome kiss, giving him back some of the affection he was so graciously giving me.

Gale had spent the last 20 minutes arguing with me that I didn't cry in front of anyone I didn't trust completely, and that the kiss that followed that I initiated was the give away of my feelings.

Gale pokes me out of my thoughts, waiting expectantly.

"Well, if i did love him, it wouldn't be any of your business," I muttered, and a sly grin breaks out on his face.

"Knew it," he mutters back.

I pause. "Are you really okay with it?"

"Yeah. Besides, I apparently have a new crush to pursue."

"What?"

"Madge. You don't give up drugs like that for nothing. She likes me."

I shake my head as I lean down to peck him on the cheek but he turns his head and gets my lips instead. It is sweet, innocent, and lacks all the heat I usually feel with Peeta.

Thank goodness, I think as I laugh in Gale's face and his hand tussles my hair at the base of my neck.

His eyes flicker open but focus behind me instead of on me. I turn and see Peeta standing in the doorway, his mouth fixed into a straight line, his arms clamped across his chest as he stares at me with fire in his eyes.

He says nothing, but turns swiftly on his heels and exits the front door. Gale nods his head at me and I run after him.


	6. Chapter 6

Outside, it's started snowing again as I catch Peeta by the arm and turn him around.

"Wait..."

"Don't ask me to wait for you..." He blurts out. "You call for me when you're crying and screaming but then you kiss Gale like..."

"Stop, let me explain."

"Get away from me," he growls as he continues walking. The sting of his words echo through me and my eyes narrow.

_No. I'm not leaving you alone._

I see Peeta enter our house and slam the door shut. I run through the snow but when I reach the front door its locked.

_Damn him_.

I run to the back door when I reach a snow drift that's about 3 feet high. I wade forward through the snow but right when I reach our back yard, my foot slips in the drift and I stumble forward.

I tumble as the snow gives way to ice and land hard on my elbows and hands, but its the scream that leaves my mouth that shocks me. I haven't even moved yet but my left ankle is exploding with pain. I try to pull myself forward on my elbows but scream again, and turn to realize my boot is caught in the drift. My hands are cut up from the fall, and the snow beneath me starts to turn red. I back up a bit and start trying to dislodge my foot when Peeta materializes besides me. I look at him, surprised, but his face is filled with panic.

"What did you do?" He yells at me.

"I didn't..."

He lifts me up with one arm while his hand dislodges my foot with the other. I cry out again, but having the pressure off the ankle relieves most of the pain. He locks his other arm beneath my knees and carries me back inside.

He hurries over to the couch and gently deposits me there, his eyes scanning the cuts on my hands before inspecting my ankle. He carefully pulls off my shoes and socks before rolling up my pant leg, wincing as he examines the bruising.

"Well that looks pleasant," he mutters.

"Peeta.." I whisper. But he ignores me. He walks out the front door and returns five minutes later with my mother.

"What happened?" She said, breathless.

"She got her foot caught in something in a drift," he says at he sits by my head, pulling off some of my wet layers.

"Just a sprain," my mother mutters. "You got lucky . I'm going to wrap it and give you a sleep draught. Peeta," her eyes shoot up to him, "keep her off her feet for at least a few days until I can look at it again."

He nods and she proceeds to feed me a thick syrup before wrapping my ankle. I watch Peeta's face until sleep takes me.

The room is dim when I open my eyes again. I'm still on the couch. The small lamp is lit and Peeta sits in the recliner beside me, reading. His face is locked into a scowl, an uncommon expression for him, one that makes my chest tighten with sorrow. I turn onto my back and he gets up, kneeling down beside me. He checks my temperature and I close my eyes at the feel of his cool hand.

"You're burning up," he mutters.

"I feel fine," I say, slower than I mean to and he grimaces as I confirm his fear.

He walks away and returns a few minutes later with a basin and rags. He pulls the blankets off me and I immediately start to shiver. I'm in my underclothes, and though I can feel the heat on my skin from the fireplace, its as if it can't penetrate me.

"Hang on," he whispers, as he removes the pillows that were propping my ankle and head so he can sit behind me. He then pulls the blankets back around me, and presses the cold rags to my forehead.

"It wasn't what it looked like," I whispered.

"Shh." Peeta says, shifting the rags on my forehead.

"Please listen...it wasn't..."

"Okay, I heard you," he said quietly. "You need to rest."

"But you don't believe me..."

He stays quiet and I grip the front of his shirt.

His expression is steeled, hiding the pain I know must be there under the surface.

"Look at me," I say.

He ignores me, and grabs the sleep syrup my mom left but I knock it out of his hands.

He grabs it and places it back on the table.

"You need rest."

"I need you to stop being a jerk," I spit back at him.

"I'm not the jerk here," he says harshly getting off the couch. "I'll go suck face with the next pretty girl I see and see how you like it."

I start to hiccup, and my nose starts to run as I fight back the tears that threaten to run down my cheeks. He looks alarmed at my sudden outburst but when I move to get off the couch but my vision swims. Peeta's arm reaches out to steady me before feeling my head again. He sighs heavily as he hoists me into his arms and takes me upstairs. I'm done feeling like a rag doll today so I fight against his grip and push away from his chest, despite knowing I don't have the strength to get away.

"Are you trying to kill us both right now, because toppling down the stairs is a great way to do it," he says angrily to me.

"I don't need your help," I hiss at him.

"Clearly. You can walk by yourself just fine right?" He says sarcastically and I look away, fuming.

He sits me down besides the tub, and I decide since I can't storm off, I can at least ignore him.

10 minutes pass with no words between us as he runs the water. When he touches my shoulder, I shrug him off.

"I'm not sure how you get off being angry at me," he mutters.

"I leaned down to kiss his cheek and he turned his head to kiss me, because that's the type of shit Gale does to piss me off," I yell at him. "He just finished telling me about a new crush he has, and I told him I was happy for him! I..." But my hiccups worsen as I try to not cry. I look away as I start to tremble again, goosebumps breaking out across my skin as a new chill runs through me.

Peeta takes a knee in front of me, and I watch his face softens as he takes in my anger, and watches me hiccup for a minute.

"You're telling me the truth, aren't you?" He says, more gently.

"Yes," I choke out.

He lets out a sigh and takes my hand in his.

"Okay, then I am the jerk," he says softly. I watch him shake his head as he stares at the floor.

"Damn it," he says. "You've been distant lately and I didn't know what to think. Then when I saw you kiss him...I guess I snapped."

"I wouldn't do that to you," I whisper, still furious with him.

He pulls my chin down to meet my gaze. "I'm sorry Kat," he whispers. "I should have trusted you." I feel my anger melt as he leans in and kisses me, and though I want to stay angry, I can't.

I kiss him back, tangling my fingers into his hair, wanting to reassure him that he's the only one I'm interested in kissing. I should tell him how I feel right then, but I don't want it flanking an argument. I wait.

"Lets get you in the tub," he says when we break away.

"What's the tub for?"

"Old trick my mother used for fevers. Come on."

He helps me undress, and though he's seen me naked before, I still get goosebumps. He strips down himself and picks me up, lowering us both down into the tub together. There's more than enough room for the two of us, so I lay back against his chest as his arms run over mine.

"So how does this work?" I mutter.

"You sweat out the fever to make it break." He says softly.

I nod, and flick at the water with my fingers. His hands slowly scoop up and cascade water over my expose shoulders, and I can't help feeling another heat building within me as his hand comes to a rest on my stomach, holding me close.

I'm saved by a thought that makes my lips quirk.

"So, Should I expect you to lock and slam doors every time we get in an argument?" I ask softly.

"Ugh, I already feel horrible about this. Yeah, I turn into a 5 year old if I'm really upset."

This makes me laugh loudly, and he joins in with me.

"If it makes you feel better, it still takes a lot more for you to get to that angry place than it does for me. And I would have locked you out too." I say.

He smirks at me. "Good to know, thank you."

I close my eyes and tuck my nose into his neck, breathing him in, so grateful to have him near.

I sleep in his shirt that night, and my fever breaks by morning. The next two days he spoils me mercilessly as I recover from my sprain. That first night, I crawled into his lap and kissed him. For hours. He didn't question my new level of affection that night, or the next night when I engaged him again, and he doesn't push for more. We seem content to drive each other crazy.

I awake to an empty bed the next morning and call out to him. No answer. I hop out of bed, wobbling myself over to the staircase and call for him. He appears below the banister and gives me a smile.

"I'm bringing you breakfast, get back in bed."

"You don't have to..."

"Go, he says sternly, walking back into the kitchen.

I hobble my way back to my bed, and I'm shortly joined by Peeta and a myriad of cookies, pastries and eggs.

"How did you...where did this..."

"I have my connections." He says with a grin. "I brought your mom and sister some too." Then he pauses and leans over to kiss me. "Happy 6 week anniversary,". He says with a sheepish expression.

"What?" I say with a laugh.

"Well, I felt pretty badly for screwing up the first one. I wanted to make it up to you."

I kiss him, almost pulling him down for another long kiss had our food not smelled so delicious.

The cookies are embellished with an assortment of wedding decor and I can't help laughing as I eat each one.

"How long did this take you?"

"Surprisingly the cheesiness came naturally to me." He says with a grin.

I turn over a wedding bell in my hand, admiring the delicate trim he applied to the edges and the delicious cream frosted center with a tiny but immaculate "M" in the center, bordered by a "P" and "K". Hours. This took him hours.

"Peeta, this is so sweet." I say softly.

"And incredibly cheesy."

"A little," I laugh softly, "but I love you..."

Crap.

The words fell out of my mouth too quickly, too easily, for me to catch them. I look up and see Peeta's expression. It's slightly stunned, but also eager, wanting to know how much of a slip that was.

"I love it." I correct, dropping my head into my hands. I can already feel my face growing red and the shame of having said it in such an inconsequential way threatens to consume me. How do I make this right?

He reaches across and takes my hand from my face, and asks, "Do you want me to forget you said that?"

I look up and meet his gaze. "No."

He lunges at me almost as soon as the word leave my lips, pulling me into his arms as his lips collide into mine. We sink to the floor , since the dishes take up most of the bed, and our lips find each others again, desperate for one another. Peeta pulls a blanket onto the floor with us as we strip each other naked, furiously tearing at the other clothes.

He enters me the minute he gets my underwear off and pushes himself in to the hilt. I quake beneath him, my arms hooked behind his shoulder blades as he pumps in and out of me. My breasts are ignored this time. We just lock our eyes on one another and listen to the pleasure that pours from us as I spread my thighs apart further and he's able to penetrate me deeper.

Our mouths tangle in kisses that are so passionate I can barely breath after them. I roll him onto his back, and balance on my knees, not breaking our connection, and start to move my hips up and down his shaft, drawing a moan from his lips.

I feel the ridge he had rubbed against our first time and dedicate myself to pleasuring both of us. He throws his head back as a groan trembles through him. He props himself up on an arm and grabs my bottom, his fingers memorizing my curves before letting his hand slowly rub over my hip and thigh. It triggers me to move more forcefully on top of him . I started to slam my hips against his until I could feel his tip hitting resistance. His hand travels up my back until he presses my chest forward into his mouth. He nibbles on my breasts and I feel my pleasure build.

"Peeta," I cry out as it starts to intensify. He hums against my breasts and I cry out sharply, and he takes notice, continuing his hums until I grind myself to completion.

I let my head fall onto his shoulder as the pleasure ripples through me.

"Damn, you're beautiful," he whispers to me, as he wipes away the layer of sweat off my brow. "Especially after you finish."

I smile, too relaxed to be embarrassed. "Glad you approve."

He nods. "Problem is I want to see it again..."

He moves me onto my back and pulls out of me, drawing an objection from me. He wipes down some of the mess from my thighs before pressing a kiss to my stomach and sliding his tongue down my naval. I jump, startled and intrigued.

"what are you.."

Peeta's mouth descending on my tenderness and I immediately let out a squeal that makes us both pause.

"Wow," Peeta says with a goofy grin.

My face is bright red, but I catch his gaze.

"Please do that again."

His raises an eyebrow and grins at me, lowering his mouth back to my parts.

I squirmed from the intensity and his arms hook around my thighs, pulling me directly down in front of his face. His tongue circles my nub, flicks it, and sucks on it until I finally climax, and he thrusts his tongue inside of me to feel the vibrations. To my surprise, He continues on like I didn't orgasm at all. I watch him as he pleasures me, a kind of wonder and determination in his eyes. When he sees me watching him he hums lightly against me, as he had against my breast, but gets a much louder cry from me. By the 3rd orgasm I am begging for a reprieve as my body trembles against his, but as I try to roll away, he locks his arms around my waist and rolls with me. He's on his back and pulls my sex down into his mouth, and I scream out as my body vibrates with pleasure, his tongue dancing over my folds as my wetness grows. His fingers hold my hips in place as he feasts upon me, and when I erupt for the 4th, he finally allows me to rest. My thighs as well as the floor, are a mess, and my body is red and hot to the touch. Peeta finally climbs upwards to me and nuzzled his head to mine.

"I love you, Kat," he says softly, before pressing his lips to mine. I am in awe of his body as he re-enters me, so slow despite his own desperate need. I am exhausted but we build up together, touching kissing, rubbing each other until finally I feel his body begin to tense. He rides me hard, slipping in and out of me effortlessly after all the foreplay, until finally, I orgasm again, and the force of my shuddering sends him over the edge. He heaves into me, emptying into me several times and I hold him as his body comes down from its high.

I pull his head down against my chest, and stroke his face as he rasps for breath. I croon softly in his ear and he smiles before pecking the inside of my breast. I never knew this kind of contentment before, this feeling of completeness, but I vowed to not let it go.


	7. Chapter 7

Peeta runs his fingers through my hair, letting it fall down over my breasts, almost to my belly button. He entertains himself with this for almost an hour as I lay in his arms, unmoving since our love-making. What he doesn't realize yet is that I'm partially terrified.

"I'm sorry, I've been distant lately," I breathe out.

"I'm pretty sure we just made up for that." He says, nuzzling me.

I turn to face him. "I didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure. I was so worried in case I was wrong..." A grin spreads across my face. "But something about those cookies..."

"Cookies for love huh?" He says, smiling at me as his lips skim mine. "How long have you been sitting on this?"

"A week? Almost two?" I say, shrinking away from his stern gaze.

"Seriously?" He says, exasperated.

"I..." I start but frown. "I was waiting to not feel afraid to say it," I whisper back. "I'm still afraid."

"Well, don't be," he says softly. He pulls me closer and presses a kiss to my nose. "We protect each other, remember? I won't let them hurt you."

"I'm more afraid of them hurting you." I whisper.

"I'm indestructable," he deadpans, motioning to his artificial leg. "Clearly."

I laugh loudly at this and smack his chest as he grins and rolls me onto my back, his lips finding my neck and drawing a soft moan from me.

We finally peel ourselves off the floor, but swiftly Peeta picks me up and throws me over his shoulder.

"Lets take a shower," he says grinning.

"What?!" I shriek, laughing.

He helps me balance against the wall and we kiss as the water runs down our naked bodies, washing away the previous two hours. He lathers up a sponge with a dispensed soap and starts washing down my body, paying extra attention to my breasts of course. He smiles as I shriek and laugh at him sudding me and finally gives me the sponge for me to do the same to him. I find myself going slowly over his collar bone and neck, where I've left several bites and marks. My hands run down his chest, feeling the firmness there, and his arms and sides as well as his back. I let the sponge stop at his butt, which is so perfectly sculpted and firm I have to admire it.

"You go any slower and you're going to make me blush," he says over his shoulder. I wrap an arm around his waist pressing up against his back as my hands continue lower to his groin. My hands run up and down the lines of his hips until I know his erection is forming again.

"You must be so tired," I whisper in his ear.

"For you, never." He answers.

My hand cups his erection pulling on him until he groans. I turn him back to face me and kiss his bottom lip.

I kneel in front of him and take him in my mouth. He doesn't expect it, that much I realize from the sharp intake of breath and his fist hitting the tile shower.

"Oh holy shit," he swears as I suck on his length and rake my nails down his thighs. His hand fall to the back of my head, rubbing my neck until his body begins to ripple.

"Oh faster..." He whispers. " Faster Kat." I keep my mouth on his tip while my hand starts stroking him and he grows taut. Finally, I take him completely in my mouth, sucking fiercely while my tongue teased the seam running along his length., He whimpers as my hands tug gently at his balls, exploring this relatively unknown anatomy. He shivers and groans as I poke and pull and I feel his cock swell in my mouth as I explore him.

"Fuck...I'm close.." He tries to pull away but I squeeze his ass and hold him until he cries out, emptying in my mouth. I swallow twice and he groans further at feeling it, until finally I pull away. His eyes are shut as he rests his head against the shower, and I snake my arms around him.

"Hi," I whisper with a smile. His arms wrap around my waist and he grins back his eyes still closed.

"Brain not working yet."

I laugh and grab the shower head, rinsing us both off before shutting off the shower. I step out and he follows me, helping me dry off before promptly carrying me back into the bedroom. We pull the plates and food off the bed, and a few minutes later find ourselves in the sheets making love again.

Peeta helps me forget about the fear and danger we're both in, as we indulge in each other's bodies. We fall asleep that night, a tangle of limbs, sated, safely tucked into each others arms.

Peeta and I spend the next two weeks enjoying one another, both the day and night.

The weather has taken a turn as well. It's a relief to see spring gently pouring through our windows after the heavy winter threatened to not disperse.

The nightmares are more sparce, but when they return, Peeta makes love to me in the early morning hours until I fall back asleep.

We eat dinner with my family a couple nights a week, and my mother smiles at us as we laugh and tease one another. Peeta kisses my cheek as he pushes my chair in and Prim nearly swoons in delight. I scold her but Peeta is amused and helps her into her chair as well, leaving a soft kiss on the top of her hand before he playfully ruffles her hair. Now she does pretend to faint in delight and we all laugh together, my mother rolling her eyes playfully.

Then, our carefree reprieve shatters.

Two months after our wedding, Peacekeepers show up at our front door and pull me and Peeta forcibly from our house to the justice building. We're put in separate rooms and I'm strapped down to a chair. It takes incredible self control to not thrash as They take blood from me. The room has white walls and a door barely distinguishable from the rest of the room. The monitor to my left comes alive and Snow appears as my shackles come loose.

"Ms. Everdeen, excuse me, Mrs. Mellark," he says with a bright smile. "I was afraid I was going to have to resort to drastic behaviors to get you to cooperate. I am pleasantly surprised."

I say nothing but stare down the display, a chill running through my blood.

The door opens and Peeta is pushed through towards me. I steady him as Snow continues speaking. "Congratulations. You're expecting. I send my best."

The projector turned off and hands fall on us a few seconds later escorting us to the square.

Once outside the building, we turn to each other and Peeta grabs my hand, practically dragging me back to my mother.

Two chaotic hours later, we have similar results. I'm pregnant. My mother estimates 6-8 weeks.

I lay on my mother's couch, sobbing for at least an hour, my head in Peeta's lap. He speaks softly to me, but it doesn't calm me down. I'm relieved and terrified, but he holds me until I cry myself to sleep.

The next two days seem to meld into one another. Somehow, I end up back in our bed at home, my hair let lose down my back. I see the light shifting in my bedroom window signalling the close of day. I smell wifts of food Peeta feeds me every few hours. When its dark, He holds me close to him, saying soft, comforting words.

The morning of the third day, reality sinks in.

The early soft light streams through our window and I think for a moment that's what wakes me. The violent turning of my stomach corrects me a moment later.

I stumble out of bed, taking half the sheets with me in my morning haze. I run for the bathroom and barely make it in time to empty my stomach into the toilet instead of on the floor.

Once, twice, three times...

The bile seems neverending, and I hold onto the toilet seat as I begin dry heaving. Certainly there can't be more, right?

Peeta kneels behind me, his hands capturing my hair and pulling it away from my face. He secures it with a nearby hair tie, and his hand reaches up to flush away my deposit.

"Think that's it?" He says softly, rubbing my sides.

"No." I croak.

"Well, then we should get comfortable." He says, affectionately squeezing my hand as he wipes my face clean.

"I'll be okay."

"Yes you will, because I'm not leaving your side." He says matter of factly as he grabs some pillows off our bed. I think of yelling at him that being in the next room is leaving my side, but when he slides me a cushion to sit on and holds up a green fuzzy robe with matching fuzzy socks the fight leaves my body.

"That's a nice wardrobe you've got there," I say, amused, even though my head still rests on the toilet.

"This one's yours. I have a far more masculine orange one," he says with a quirk of his lips. I laugh as he presents his and it looks just as ridiculous.

"Where did you get those?"

"Effie. With a congratulations note." He says drily.

"Does everyone know?" My laughter drops as I realize that means the news has gone viral.

"In the Capitol yes. Not here. Not required viewing." He says with a grimmace before he stoops down and lifts my chin.

"Join me for a shower?" He says softly.

"Is that meant to be seductive or pratical?" I say, eyeing him.

"Comforting," he says with a smile.

"Then yes," I say, taking his extended hand.

Despite his words, it ends up being a mix of all three. I'm pretty shaky on my legs, but being in Peeta's arms under the hot water helps me to relax.

"You look really good wet," I say. He blushes slightly and laughs.

"You do too," he says softly, kissing my neck. He holds me and we kiss, touching each other and getting arroused before another wave of nausea hits me.

"I need to sit," I say shakily.

He turns the water off and sits me on the edge of the shower where he helps me dry off.

He helps me into my robe and socks and we lie on the bed together, my head burrowed into his chest as his hands run down my back.

"I'm sorry if I worried you," I say softly.

"I knew you just needed to feel it," he says into my hair. "But we'll be okay, really."

"Says you. You didn't just puke up your stomach lining," I mutter, half heartedly.

"Would crackers help?" He says cheerily.

I eye him carefully and then say, "I know you're excited. I won't deny you that. But you're not allowed to look that excited when I feel this miserable."

He laughs and kisses me, and I return the kiss despite my crabbiness.

We get theough the next few weeks as he said: together. My nasea doesn't back off but he's by my side every morning, with crackers and tea waiting. Later in the evening, he holds me as we watch the television, or we take a walk around the district. After the nausea subsides, a second pregnancy side effect becomes apparent: I'm insatiable.

One such evening, he holds me after we finish our third round in bed. I'm trying to persuade him into a fourth when he growls at me.

"Seriously?" he says playfully.

"You told me you would never be too tired for me," I say, grinning.

"I was a fool," he says, flopping lightly onto my chest. I laugh, and hold him close.

"I can forgive that I guess."

"Hey, I came 3 times. And you're at least double that." He murmurs.

"I lost count," I say softly against his lips and he kisses me again. "Are you really tired?"

"Give me 15 minutes."

We make love once more that night, Peeta grabbing my hips in frustration and pulling me over to the side of the bed. He wraps his arms around my hips and licks my tenderness as I moan. I run my fingers through his hair as my hips buck against his face and his teeth graze my tender skin. I cry out as he nips at me, but by now he knows its not in pain. He inserts his fingers into me, making me gasp and whimper as his fingers rub into me, flicking and playing and making me flood his hand with wetness. He pulls his fingers out and replaces them with his erection, slowly pushing into me as he spreads my knees apart.

"Say it," he whispers to me with a smile. I blush, and bite my lip, shaking my head. He pumps into me once again, so slowly I moan. He pulls my legs to the side and flips me carefully onto my stomach.

"Say it or I won't," he whispers near my ear. He loves to hear me say it. It sends him into a frenzy, but he only asks after a particularly long night of love-making. Its how I know he's really tired.

I lift my head and turn to where his lips await me pressing a kiss to me.

"Fuck me," I say to him. "Please fuck me."

He throws himself into me from behind, and it doesn't take long for both of us to finish. I cry out in pleasure as we come together, and his hands squeeze my breasts as he empties into me.

His breath is heavy as he pulls out of me and he collapses beside me on the bed. I can't feel my face, but I can finally feel that desire bubble burst with fulfillment.

I start to drift of to sleep as his fingers weave through my hair when he clears his throat.

"My parents want you over for dinner." He says softly.

"Is this your way of killing the mood? I promise i'm done for the night," I say playfully.

"I wish. I didn't know how to bring it up... or if I even wanted to."

I purse my lips together at his serious tone and turn to him. He lays on his back, staring up at the ceiling, as his chest heaves still. Peeta talked very little about his family, and the few mentions were of his brothers and dad. Never his mother.

"I'd love to go if that's what you want," I say carefully.

"It's not what I want but they cornered me and I can only make so many excuses," he says, but shoots me a grimace. "And don't lie."

"I'm not. This isn't the first time they asked?"

Peeta shakes his head.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"My family isn't like yours," he says. "My mother is hostile at best. I was trying to keep you two apart for as long as possible...maybe forever." He said with a ghost of a smile.

"We should tell them I'm pregnant...maybe that will work in out favor?" I tuck my chin into his side and curl into him. He huffs quietly, as if in doubt, but holds me close


End file.
